It turns out that a little old lady, a little old Catholic lady, used to live in our apartment. At least I’m starting to think so since I received a copy of SOUL magazine addressed to her.

Oh. Oh boy. Wow.

This one is a train wreck of modern day Catholic paganism. We have the 1917 manifestation of the Virgin Mary to a trio of poor children, shepherds of course, in Portugal; the delivery of three sacred letters meant to be opened only after a certain date (the third was supposed to herald in the Apocalypse); Padre Pio, he of the stigmata, fingerless gloves, and the occasional dubious behavior in the confessional; and, my favorite and the one I hadn’t heard of, the Blue Army.

What’s the Blue Army?


From SOUL magazine: “the Blue Army was established to serve as the spiritual army of Our Lady of Fatima against the atheistic Red Army of the Soviet Union, which was then threatening the world. For more than 50 years Blue Army members fervently prayed the daily Rosary for the intention of ending religious persecution in Russia and for an end to the Cold war between the Soviet Union and the free nations of Europe. MISSION OF BLUE ARMY . . . THOROUGHLY ACCOMPLISHED.” [All caps theirs]

There’s one section in the magazine where readers send in their testimonials. One is from a social worker that frightened away gang members who wanted to attack her after her prayers caused angels with machine guns to appear at her side.

No shit.

There’s the little squib in the legal section under the Table of Contents that says "this publication has been approved by a censor of the Diocese and holds nothing in it contrary to faith or morals”.

I could go on. Each page is like a devout processional of believers holding aloft a palanquin bearing a bed of white roses and a marble statue of the Virgin Mary wearing a golden crown.


In other words, you’re all getting Rosary beads for Christmas.

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